Not a victim, instead a survivor

My whole childhood I grew concerned with my weight, I judged myself, compared myself to others and wished I could look like those models on the tv, in magazines or on social media. I was so young yet I hated myself. I started my first diet in Primary school and it is from that day my fear of food started to creep in, growing up wasn’t easy, I was always the bigger one out of my group and felt ashamed and not loved, it was a struggle. It wasn’t until I moved to another state and started a brand new school at age 14 and thought the only way to be accepted was to lose weight and be skinny, As I turned 15 that is when the devil called Ana slipped into my brain what started with a severe obsession which quickly spiraled into a life of restriction and before I knew it, I had anorexia and was dying. I was unable to recognise the calling signs as my head was a cloud full of darkness, with no light in my life, I was trapped. Anorexia took my life away, my relationships began to fail with friends and family. I was hungry, I was cold, I was tired, I had lost my menstrual cycle and I was so done with anorexia controlling my life yet I couldn’t escape from it. I will never forget the day the emaciated little girl I was standing in front of my mum with tears rolling down her face as her heart broke. I was booked to see a pediatrician and it was that day I was diagnosed with Anorexia and Body dysmorphia. I am forever grateful that she stepped in when she did and got me the treatment, support and help I needed because, it was hard, it took time and a lot of waiting lists and so many appointments but I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here today if I kept going down the spiraling path I was on. Recovery is hard but trust me no food will hurt you as much as your eating disorder does and you were not put on this earth to count calories and lose weight to be skinny, you have so much potential and were put on this earth to do amazing things and I am here to tell you that you can do this and no it is not easy, you will have setbacks but keep pushing and fighting because recovery is so worth it and you are NOT alone and never will be. I am now 17, in year 12 and about to graduate, I never thought I would make it this far but recovery is possible, although I am still undertaking treatment with my team I am happy to say that I am still in recovery from anorexia and have never felt more free in my life, yes some days are hard but that’s normal. One bad day does not equal a bad week and you will overcome your struggles. I have found a passion for sharing my story and want to make a difference in this world and educate, break the stigma and take action towards mental health issues in Australia. With my experience living with Anorexia I know you truly don’t understand what people are going through unless you experience it yourself which I never wish upon anyone. I hope this leads to educating fellow Australians on just how life consuming and deadly anorexia and other eating disorders can be. Eating disorders are nowhere near talked about as much as they should be and tend to be a taboo subject but in order for a true change to be made we need to be open, educate and speak up about the seriousness of this issue in hope to save so many lives as it truly breaks my heart on the amount of Australians suffering like I did. Recovery brings you joy, happiness, regained trust in your body and remember the pain of recovery is only temporary pain that leads you to a life time or freedom and the pain of staying in your eating disorder leads to a life time of suffering and trust me you want a life full of happiness and freedom. I am not a victim to my eating disorder and instead am a warrior and a survivor, I no longer let my illnesses define me nor bring me down. Eating disorders kill, if you have ever experienced these demons I am truly sorry and just know I am so proud of you and you are a true warrior, there is no body size unworthy of food and you are more than just a body. Recovery is worth it, you can do this, you are amazing, you are loved and you have got this love. Stay strong and keep fighting xx